


punch the mirror (you'll shatter me instead)

by Bekka911



Series: i loved you too much [5]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Basically Clary is a bitch and the lightwoods get mad, Clary Fray Being an Asshole, Good Friend Alec Lightwood, Good Friend Jace Wayland, Hurt Simon Lewis, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Alec Lightwood, Protective Jace Wayland, Protective Magnus Bane, Simon Lewis Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 10:29:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21117272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bekka911/pseuds/Bekka911
Summary: Clary pushes too hard. This time, Simon has people who will stand by him





	punch the mirror (you'll shatter me instead)

**Author's Note:**

> woo hoo, conclusion of the i loved you too much series! I'm sorry it's taken so long, I got caught up in The Umbrella Academy and Wattpad, so i took much longer than I expected. let me know what you think!

Jace scrutinised his boyfriend, peering closely as Simon fidgeted and cleared his throat. “Something’s wrong,” Jace decided, folding his arms over his chest. “I don’t know what it is, but I know it’s _something_. Are you gonna tell me?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Simon insisted, his eyes wide and innocent. Jace sighed; he had a weakness for Simon’s puppy dog eyes. Even still, concern won today and Jace stared harder, an eyebrow raised. Simon bit his lip. “I love you?”

“Are you asking me or telling me, Lewis?”

Simon huffed and reached out, grabbing Jace’s hand and pulling the shadowhunter into a kiss. It was far from innocent but it wasn’t as heated as it could of been. It was a perfect amount of pressure and Jace relaxed against Simon as he kissed back. His boyfriend’s lips tasted just slightly of coffee and Jace hummed in disapproval. He preferred hot chocolate. 

“Really? Right in the hallway?” Alec’s voice was dripping with distaste. “Please manage some decency. This _is_ a workplace.”

Jace took his time ending the kiss, relishing in the disappointment on Simon’s face at the loss of contact. It had taken the shadowhunter a long time to get Simon to stop immediately jumping back whenever someone stumbled upon them in any sort of intimate position. Simon had always apologised as well, as if he wasn’t allowed to express his love for his boyfriend when someone else was around. Jace had finally sat him down and talked through it with him.

Now, Simon was confident enough to scowl and turn on Alec. “Like you’re any better with Magnus,” he said accusingly. 

Alec raised an eyebrow. “Magnus and I try to keep our love life separate from our work lives.”

“I caught you making out in the kitchen this morning,” Jace said dryly, stretching his hands above his head. He grinned when he caught Simon eyeing the patch of skin that showed as the hem of his shirt lifted.

Alec shook his head, looking completely done with the two of them. “By the Angel,” he huffed. “You two are insufferable. Just...try not to fuck in public. I don’t think I’d ever be able to recover if I caught you two at it.”

Simon flushed. Jace just laughed. “Don’t worry,” he called after his _parabatai_, “I’m sure you’ll feel it through the bond anyway!”

Alec visibly shuddered before he turned a corner and was gone from sight.

Jace turned back to his boyfriend and snuck another quick kiss. “Don’t think this has made me forget,” he warned. “Something’s wrong and I know it. I’ll find out eventually.”

Simon smiled warmly, stark affection plastered all over his face. “I love you.” 

Jace kissed him again and let Simon walk him backwards into an empty room.

.

Jace tapped Izzy’s side gently with his staff, breathing heavily as they started circling each other again. They’d been going at it for nearly an hour now, their fighting more like a dance than anything.

“You’re leaving your right side open,” he told her. “If you aren’t careful you’re gonna get hit there with something more dangerous than a wooden pole.”

She shifted her feet and drew her arms closer to her body. Jace grinned and fell back into a fighting stance. _That’s better_. Isabelle was just stepping to strike when Jace’s phone rang shrilly. Immediately, Jace straightened his posture and Izzy pulled back. It was an unspoken rule that they never ignored a phone call. They’d all been through too much to simply shrug off someone trying to reach them.

Regardless, Jace was surprised to see it was Magnus calling him. Alec had been at the Institute all day, so it couldn’t be about his _parabatai_. “What’s up?” He asked casually, handing Izzy his staff and slinging a clean towel around his neck.

“You better be on your way to my apartment with Alec in tow or things are going to get very messy.” Magnus’s voice was strained and angry, and Jace was instantly alert and worried.

“What’s happening?” Jace asked sharply, hurrying down the hallway, Izzy hot on his heels. Alec was already charging towards them, face tight - no doubt he sensed Jace’s worry through their bond.

Magnus hissed something to someone on his end, before he said harshly, “There’s a certain little red-head here who is pushing all the wrong buttons. Simon is here too - things are getting ugly.”

“Don’t let either of them leave,” Jace ordered. “I’m on my way.”

He hung up and jammed his phone in his pocket, cursing under his breath. He _knew_ something had been off with Simon! 

“What’s happening?” Alec breathed, easily keeping pace beside him. “Is Simon okay?”

“How’d you know it was Simon?” Jace didn’t really care about the question; he was too busy worrying over his boyfriend to really pay attention to the conversation. 

Alec’s face softened. “Only Simon can get you that worried.”

Jace wanted to deny it, say that he worried just as much about him and Izzy and even Magnus, but he couldn’t make the words come out. He had to admit, he did worry over Simon more than he did his siblings. He coddled Simon, almost too much, but it was only fair because Simon did the same to him.

“Simon’s at Magnus’s,” Jace explained shortly, reaching the front door of the Institute and ripping the doors open. Izzy and Alec stayed beside him. “Apparently Clary is also there, and things aren’t going well. Magnus sounded furious.”

Izzy made a small noise of concern, and Alec fell silent. Jace was grateful for it; whenever he was worried, he always hated conversation. 

And he was very worried.

Simon was the type to suffer in silence, especially if he knew that people would worry over him. It was something Jace was trying to change, but it didn’t seem to be working. Who knew how long he’d been dealing with Clary and her impulsive, selfish actions. Jace had loved the red-head once, but ever since he’d gotten with Simon, her lack of regard for anything that didn’t benefit her had made something in him burn.

She’d done similar things before - like when Jace and Alec had been on the extended mission and Simon had shown up at Magnus’s, in the midst of a mental breakdown. Clary hadn’t cared about him, had instead instigated the whole thing.

By the Angel, why hadn’t Simon _said anything?!_

It hurt more than Jace thought it would, being shut out.

Anger mixed with the worry and pain swirling in his chest, and he let it swell. After all of this, Simon still didn’t trust Jace enough to come to him and let him _help_. No, Simon was content to suffer silently to give Jace peace of mind. Jace _hated_ it. It was the same self-sacrificing stunt _he_ pulled. It was rather annoying to be on the receiving end.

They reached Magnus’s quickly, and Jace didn’t bother waiting for the warlock to open the door. He knocked once and then pushed his way inside, Izzy and Alec following without a sound. “Magnus!” He shouted, stalking into the main room. _“Magnus!”_

“Thank the Angel,” the warlock breathed, turning his burning cat eyes upon the three shadowhunters. “You’re all here. I was quite worried you wouldn’t get here in time, and I’d have to send Ms Fray to another dimension.” 

Clary let out an indignant cry. “I haven’t _done_ anything!” She yelped. She turned to Jace, who eyed her red cheeks and fisted hands. “Jace, please explain to Magnus that I’m not setting out to hurt Simon. I’m trying to make sure he’s okay - he’s been avoiding me. He didn’t even tell me he was upset when you were away! He’s my friend and I deserve to know what’s wrong with him!”

“Clary-” Simon reached for her, but Jace grabbed his wrist and pulled him away.

“Nothing is wrong with him, Clarissa,” Jace said through clenched teeth. “Magnus has every right to be furious with you right now. I’m betting you didn’t even tell him you were coming, you just showed up at the door and demanded to talk to Simon.” Clary looked away. It was answer enough. 

Simon shifted his weight, shuffling closer to Alec and Izzy who were standing back by Magnus, simply watching Jace and Clary get into it rather than getting too involved. “It wasn’t like that,” he said in a small voice. 

Izzy hushed him gently.

“I don’t know why all of you suddenly hate me so much,” Clary said miserably, looking away. “I just want to talk to my best friend.”

“He has a phone,” Alec said dryly. “Call him.”

Clary whirled on him, eyes bright with tears and anger. “You think I haven’t tried that?!” She looked to her vampire friend accusingly, and Simon shrank back. “Simon ignores each one of my calls! He doesn’t respond to my texts! I just want to know what I did _wrong_.”

Her voice broke, and Jace felt pity stab through him. He’d loved her once, and they’d shared something special. He loved Simon now, but there would always be a part of him that would care for her. “I wish I could say you didn’t do anything,” he said, and Clary’s eyes widened, “but I find that I’m getting really sick of lies.”

Hurt flickered over Clary’s face, quickly morphing into a fiery anger. “Simon was _my_ friend first!” She spat. “Just because he’s decided he’s too cool to stick around doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to care?”

“He turned into a vampire for you, and this is how you say thanks?” Alec sounded incredulous, and Jace sent a gentle push of calm through their bond. It didn’t seem to do much. “Clary, Simon has been there for you for _years_ and you’re throwing a tantrum the moment he steps away to look after _himself_?”

“What’s so pressing that he has to completely shut me out?” Clary asked wildly, turning accusing eyes on Simon, who’s standing by Izzy with his shoulders curved in. “Huh, Simon? What, decided that you couldn’t stand being around me now that you don’t have my constant attention?”

It went silent, and Jace’s fingers itched to reach for his Seraph blade. He could see Alec’s blue eyes light up with sheer protective fury, and knew that if someone didn’t do something, there would be a fight. He wasn’t completely sure Magnus would stop it.

Except it wasn’t any of the Shadowhunters that said anything. “It’s not always about you, Clarissa.” Simon’s voice was low, and thick with tears. “It-I-”

“You _what_, Simon?” Clary took a threatening step forward, and Jace and Alec immediately growled. Magnus merely flicked a finger and moved her back three steps. “Stop it! I’m trying to have a _conversation_.”

Simon let out a harsh breath and moved away from Isabelle. “Guys, it’s okay.” Jace would have protested if it hadn’t been for the look on Simon’s face. It was gentle, and thankful, and Jace found he really couldn’t refuse when Simon silently requested that Jace and Alec step down.

Jace hurried forward and pressed a chaste kiss to Simon’s cheek. “If she makes a move on you,” he says seriously, “she leaves. No questions asked. She leaves, or Alec and I get to make a move.”

Simon huffed affectionately and tapped Jace’s stomach with a finger. “I’ll be okay,” he promised warmly. “She’s my friend.”

Jace might have protested that, but Alec was gently tugging at his arm and giving Simon a fond look, so he moved back and simply watched his boyfriend approach Clary. “Clary,” Simon said gently. “I’m sorry.”

Clary blinked, some of the fire in her eyes sputtering out. “What?”

“I’m sorry,” Simon repeated. “It wasn’t fair of me to pull away from you without saying anything. We’ve been friends for a long time and you deserved better. _But_, you didn’t help the situation when you turned on me for being with Jace.”

Clary’s lips thinned. “You turned your back on me for my _ex_,” she said, but this time her voice was creaky with tears. “You never even gave me a sign you liked him before you were swooping in and kissing him like it didn’t matter that I’d had him _first_.”

Something in Simon’s expression flickered. “You don’t own him, Clary.”

“I know, but-”

“This isn’t about me at _all_, is it?” Simon’s gentleness had fallen away. Jace winced as his boyfriend’s fangs came out. “It’s about the fact that _Jace_ left you. No...It’s the fact that Jace left you _for me_. That’s what’s wrong, isn’t it? You don’t care about _me_ leaving, you care about _Jace_ leaving.”

Clary shook her head, and tears rolled down her cheeks. “No, Simon, that’s not true.”

But Simon was lost in his head now, and Jace knew that this would be the severing of Simon and Clary’s friendship. The hurt ran too deep, was too raw and painful. All he could do was watch and wait, and pray that he would still have his boyfriend when the dust settled.

“You abandoned me the _minute_ I became a vampire.” Simon's anger had harnessed the fury of a thousand suns. His ton was scorching. Clary took a step back. “I lived alone. I struggled _alone_. You left me to deal with the fact my _family_ thinks I’m a _monster_! This has _nothing_ to do with Jace, or me not loving you, this is about you being _selfish_ and _horrible_ and-and you’re _just like Valentine!”_

Clary let out a sharp sob, covering her mouth. Simon fought shuddering breaths, keeping his teeth bared as the girl who used to be his best friend trembled in front of him. “I don’t know you anymore,” Clary whispered. 

“Good,” Simon whispered back. “One less person to disappoint.” 

And then he ran. 

Jace could barely track the blur of colour, and then Simon was _gone_ and Clary was standing there uselessly with red eyes. Once, he would’ve swept her into a hug and tried to hold her together. Now, he found he couldn’t make his feet move toward her. He and Alec shared a look. 

Magnus made a small noise. “He’s in my room again,” he told them quietly. “Jace, I think you might want to go and get him.” 

Jace nodded numbly, hurrying out of the room and pretending he couldn’t hear Clary’s soft crying ringing in his ears. Magnus’s room wasn’t too far up the hallway, and he gently shouldered open the door. “Simon?” He called, faltering when he saw his boyfriend out on Magnus’s balcony. Simon didn’t answer him when Jace called his name again, so the Shadowhunter gently eased the door shut and wandered out to stand beside him. “I shouldn’t have said that.” 

Jace hummed lightly, staring out over New York. The grey city looked almost burnt in the sun. “Yeah,” he said simply. “But you did. Were you wrong though?” 

Simon swallowed and glanced away, instantly fidgety. Jace watched him carefully, and took in the red, raw skin around Simon’s nails, and the very familiar panic behind his eyes. He was breaking inside; Jace recognised the same vacant, wild look from when Simon had fed on him in the apartment. Any second now, Simon was going to break some part of himself and Jace didn’t know how to stop it. 

Simon dragged his focus back to Jace’s face but couldn’t quite meet his eyes. “I didn’t mean any of it,” he lied. Jace felt heartbreak spear through his chest. “She was right. I shouldn’t have-have-” 

“Hey,” Jace soothed. “Nobody blames you for reacting like that. Clary said some horrible things too.” 

Simon sounded miserable when he said, “Clary is more important though. She means more. I shouldn’t have said what I did.” 

Jace took a deep breath, and stared down at the balcony railing. Nothing he said would change what happened, and nothing he said would remove the hurt Simon was feeling inside. This couldn’t be fixed by fighting a demon, or cracking a joke, or kissing. This would take work, and it would be hard, and Jace was so, so scared. 

“I love you,” he said finally, and Simon stiffened beside him. “I don’t know when it started, but I do. When I came over, after I called and you hung up, and I kissed you, I was terrified. You tasted like blood, and you were shaking, and I was _really_ scared. But I wanted to kiss you.” 

“Jace-" 

Jace hushed him. “It killed me when we fought over keeping our relationship a secret. It killed me that you were so scared of Alec that you didn’t feel comfortable being in a room with me. But I loved you so I stuck by it.” 

Simon made a noise, and tried to move away. Jace grabbed his arm. “You shouldn't be with me,” Simon said, voice tangled and thick and emotional. “You should have so much better.” 

“But I want _you_,” Jace said earnestly. “I love _you_. I don’t care what Clary says, or what you say in response. I love you, Simon Lewis, and so does Alec and MAgnus and Izzy. You’re family." 

Simon let out an ugly sob, finally caving and turning into Jace’s arms. “I’m sorry,” the vampire whispered into the Shadowhunter’s skin. “I’m so sorry.” 

Jace held him as tightly as he could. “I love you,” he said in response. “I love you.” 

. 

Clarissa Fairchild left the New York Institute on a Wednesday morning. She was going to Alicante. 

Simon watched her go. 


End file.
